Kindness

Do you find yourself speaking less kind toward your spouse than you would when you had first met each other?  I do.  In Becky Thompson’s book Love Unending she targets this as the second task to improve.  Love and marriage is her knowledge territory therefore I’m all about taking her expertise and practicing it in my life.

Being aware of, and improving, your own flaws is the best way to enhance any situation.  In my journey of 2017 I’ve been refining all of my relationships.  Some people had to go because they were nothing but negative, others had to be censored a little to help avoid the toxicity, and other relationships simply need more positive attention.

Luckily my husband and I don’t have a tough relationship but I’d rather put preventative work into it than have to re-mediate a situation.

I’ve witnessed people throwing their significant other’s belongings out the front door while demeaning and absolutely tearing them down; if they had worked on their relationship before things had gone sour it would be easier sailing.

I’ve also seen couples who never argue, ever.  These couples are aware of the best way to approach an issue and they use those techniques throughout their relationship.  (The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a good book to help couples with this area.)

We aspire to be like the latter.  Since reading this second chapter in Becky Thompson’s book we have noticed that outside stressors cause us to become snippy with each other.  These stressors can be in the form of the toxic relationships mentioned previously or common stress-causing situations in day to day life.

We have seen this task improve drastically because I don’t find myself being treated poorly by others and then mirroring said behavior onto my husband.  I have more patience.  I’m behaving how I naturally would (and did when we first met), without censoring myself and becoming strained by not being comfortable.  I hope you can also notice any shortcomings you can work on to better the environment you live in. ❤

Purchase Becky Thompson’s book here and begin improving your marriage now!  Watch out for more posts as we continue our journey through her recommendations.

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To read the previous task click here

He’s home

Elizabeth missed her dada so much while he was away.  In fact I didn’t really notice how badly she missed him while he was gone.  She wasn’t fussy or asking about him in any unusual ways; sadly it’s common for them to miss each other even when he does come home after work.  He simply leaves for work before she’s awake in the morning and comes home after she’s in bed again; to her, he wasn’t home that day.

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I had no idea when he was going to be coming home; in fact I thought it was going to be the following day.  Out of nowhere I saw him pull into the driveway and told Elizabeth “let’s go outside, dada’s home!”  Instantly she ran toward the front door which was conveniently open as it has been beautiful mid-70’s weather lately.  Later in the afternoon while we were at dinner to celebrate dad being home Elizabeth would not let him go.  We set her up in a booster seat, which is also a first, but she just wanted to be held by him and cuddle.  When Elizabeth cuddles she rests her chin on your shoulder and pats your back; it’s seriously the cutest thing.  Being held by dada was the only thing she wanted the entire evening, and the following day.  It was so sweet to see, and I cannot get over it.

Since then, she has gone back to the normal routine of sometimes seeing him during lunch, sometimes not at all, we’re so unbelievably blessed that she is easy going and not really bothered by the unpredictable schedule yet.  She is arriving at the age where she will be impacted by his being gone for days, weeks, and God forbid, months.  We’ve been very self-sufficient in maintaining the home and our lives together (with Alodia, too).  Not much changes in our routines and habits when he leaves nor when he returns.  As a family we kind of just fit him into the rythmic works of our everyday lives.

As heartbreaking as it will be to see her sadness when he is absent, celebrating his returns will be worth it.

Dream

With my husband being in the military we are constantly in a state of movement.  We will not have our own home until he gets out of the corps or until we are stationed somewhere we want to settle.  It has always been a dream of mine to have my own house and more importantly to make it my own.  I am obsessed with architecture and interior design.  I DIY as much as I can, reasonably, in homes that are only temporary.  I do these things knowing that I am somewhat wasting my time, effort, and money, but I cannot resist.

I have always dreamed about having my perfect floor plan where my kids can grow up from the beginning of their life until they are adults and leave their nests, but the life I chose is not compatible with that dream.  With this life, my children will grow up moving. Constantly.  They will have friends all over the country world, and will learn to say goodbye much sooner than the average child.  Elizabeth left her first home at only two months old, and now lives on the opposite side of the country from where she was born.

A peek into my dream:

My dream house would be in an hoa free neighborhood in a town or city without really restrictive ordinances (I want to be able to have a clothesline if I want it, dammit).  I would have a kitchen with a double wall oven and a gas range, not on the island, all in beautiful kitchenaid black stainless appliances.

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My upper cabinets would be white, and the lowers would be grey.  If the counters were granite they would be Vermont granite.

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Preferably the counters would be something besides granite because I’m a little counter-culture like that.

My back yard would be private and huge, partially wooded, but with a lawn large enough to play and run in, for both two and four legged friends.  A body of water would be nearby, either a babbling brook like I was raised with, or a pond for swimming, would be ideal.

The secondary bedrooms would be similar in size and style, and none would have its own bathroom.

The garage would be large enough to store all of our vehicles (most we’ve experienced aren’t long enough for my husband’s truck), with additional space for woodworking or projects.

We would have a music room where my husband could play his piano, and where our children could practice whatever instrument(s) the choose.

In the master, there would only be one walk-in closet, but it would be beautifully shelved.  On one wall would be a shadow box displaying my wedding gown to remind us of not only our love, but everything we have accomplished together, as paying for a huge portion of our wedding was a huge feat for us.

My master bath would have dual sinks, at a higher counter than usual, a water closet, and two person soaker tub.  The separate shower would have no glass surrounding it whatsoever, because really who wants to keep that clean.

This life is ever-changing and unpredictable, so during the trials and tribulations, I’m comforted that someday I will have a home that is mine rather than a house that is temporary.