We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy. -Albus Dumbledore
I recently made a decision to clean my life. Actually, clean doesn’t really explain it properly. I scrubbed and disinfected my life. I began this process shortly after Elizabeth was born about a year and a half ago; I finally realized that I wasn’t as happy as I could be. However I remained unable to pinpoint exactly what changes needed to be made to ensure that I was as happy as I should be.
I began my pursuit of happiness by purging belongings of mine. This was helpful twofold: 1. Minimalism is freedom, and 2. We move very frequently, therefore fewer belongings is simply fewer things to pack, move, unpack, etc. I was relieved, but it wasn’t removing the weight from my shoulders that inspired the purge.
At that point, I decided to attempt to change personal habits. I did this by making sure to clean up immediately to reduce stress throughout everyday life and also to set a more concrete schedule for waking, eating, etc. Like minimizing, this too improved my life, but still fell short from removing the weight I was aiming to dispose of.
The last attempt I made was concerning relationships. Only recently did I became aware of the impact toxic relationships have had on me my entire life. It is difficult to notice things you are so used to. It’s like the smell of home: you are capable of noticing the smell of others’ homes, but are desensitized to your own, although it is there.
I decided to clean my life of relationships that involved 100% negative emotions, and 0% positive. These relationships were with people who I dreaded talking to because I was constantly insulted, discredited, humiliated, or just plain old bullied. With these people, I would experience something wonderful (pregnancy, for example) and absolutely dread informing them because I knew it would result in a snide comment. These people caused me to become a worse person when I was thinking of or in the presence of them. The last thing I want is for my family to suffer through the same things I have, especially with me being the toxic person; and they definitely were while I was preoccupied over these awful relationships.
Obviously that led to a bit of drama from some third parties, but the amount of support I received was truly eye-opening. The immense weight lifted from my shoulders was, and is, immeasurable.
There have been so many improvements to my life which I never could have envisioned being bound to this one simple stressor. I feel uplifted, peaceful, and relaxed in ways I never have before. Letting go has been one of the most freeing things I could have ever done for myself and my family.
I can only hope that it is just as peaceful for the other people. Without the awfulness they associated with me (as I’ve been so constantly informed), I genuinely hope they are as happy as I am. Some things are simply not meant to be and forcing them is where situations become catastrophic.
Know that it is okay to let people go if both parties are suffering because of a forced relationship. Be at peace with finding, rekindling, or utilizing loved ones who truly do love you. Do not put up with any form of abuse for any excuse whatsoever. Stand up for yourself so you can be at peace, it’s well worth it for you and those who sincerely love you. ❤
Allow yourself to be happy so that you can be the best you for those who need that.